Normal But Different

Personal Life and a Photographer’s Challenges in the Times of COVID19 – Part II

Saturday 4th of April 2020.
COVID19 Self-Isolation Day #22.
State of Emergency Day #16.

I wake up at 5:59 with no alarm (if you know me a little or have read the previous post that is pretty f*****g magical), take my bike and my camera (not forgetting my hand sanitiser) and go out in the dark. Ok, by the time I am on the road it is already 6:45, but still dark. 

The horizon in the direction of Cais do Sodre is on fire. The clouds are burning as the sun slowly rises in the East – just the direction I am riding toward. Feels like riding toward the fire.

Ribeira Tejo, Cais do Sodre, Lisbon

The air is thick and there is a horrible smell all around, it feels almost like a bad omen and I have to really “parent myself” so that I don't  turn around, that nothing is off and it is only fertiliser..

I can feel the backlash of last night's online Kundalini class, heavily, on my lower back and legs, but I push through. I am here and I am doing it! I am quite surprised by the number of busses and trams and cars I see around. For a second I think “it’s all normal, I am the only one staying in”.

Until I arrive at Cais do Sodre… Fine, it is 7am but this quiet is not normal – although what do I know, I’ve never been at here at 7am before!

A couple is taking selfies by the river bank, which I am slightly surprised to find open since the section from here to MAAT is now closed to traffic.

My first thought is really judgemental, they look like tourists … I tell myself off, after all I am there with my camera!

I get off the bike and start to walk, I plan to arrive in Rossio, no further than that. No plan and to just keep my eyes open. Walking past the stacks of stones — anyone that has been in Lisbon must know what I am talking about — is sad. The rock balancing guy (Mirò Pedro) is not there, which I am relieved to find out, and the stones are all stranded chaotically by the river beach, like dead bodies after a tsunami.

And the answer to, I bet, many people’s question: they are not glued, they are really balanced one on top of the other, creating amazing scenes and sculpture. I wonder what Stones Guy is doing … I hope he is safe, maybe piling stones for himself, in the warmth of his own house.

Praça do Comerço is — well no wonder — empty. Only a couple of people walking by the pavement toward the river. A nice girl with a yoga mat walks past, I smile at her, but she is probably busy asking herself what I am doing, standing on the wall with the camera, maybe she is worried I want to take a picture of her … and I do, but only after she walks past me. Perhaps I catch her back and her yoga mat, but I am not sure how much she will stand out in this black & white shot, I hope she does.

I walk then to the middle of the square. It is honestly difficult to take a picture of the Arc avoiding the millions of busses that seem to pass every five seconds … or maybe I am losing time?

I proceed toward Rua Augusta. It feels somehow special to be able to walk this street, which is usually so crowded with tourists that you can barely see a single stone, let alone the entire motif of the Calçada Portuguesa (cobblestone pavements).

Everything is peaceful and silent, a few cars driving around. The only disturbing sounds is the incredibly loud beeping of the street lights and the three arseholes that haven’t paused patriarchy and street harassment even in these times. I could put them in their place (evidently a horrible one) and bike away, but I take a — I believe more illuminated —  approach and just walk past and breathe away my anger. 

After all, they must also be having a hard time … only one woman in the street to yell at!

A strange mixture of sadness, anger and fear fills my heart. I get angry at the shop lights for being still on, I mean WTF, I am the only one here seeing the idiotic Millenium advertisement video playing, and Zara’s fancy lights in the window … could you not save a bit of energy and just turn this s***t off? I have a Socialist thought, I think it is unfair only the big brands can keep their lights on, almost to say “we’re still the strongest, we will survive”. Well I hope you die.

And then I realise: I am not angry, I am just scared and sad and can’t really fully understand what is going on, how exceptional this moment is. What would my grandma say if she was still alive? Would it feel like war? Would she even be able to understand it? And cope with it?

It is strange how my thoughts keep going automatically to her, I ask myself if she is fine and then I remember she is … she is not here anymore.

I arrived in Rossio. I want to go to the middle of the square and see if I can get a good picture of the empty square. I notice a parked police car at the beginning of the square just to my right. As always, when I am around police, I feel threatened. I am nervous they will say something because of my camera and try to quickly walk further away. 

Once at the end of the square I stop for a second next to the fountain just in front of the Theatre and I take a picture of the Taxi drivers waiting there … it seems to me in vain as there is literally nobody around. 

And then I notice, there are people sleeping under the porches of the Theatre … like a knife to the heart, seeing these people with no home. I look around, maybe there is a shop open? Maybe I can buy them food? A hot coffee? Is there anything I can do for them that would really help them, I don’t think so but I really would like to try. 

I give up to hopelessness and feel ready to go back home, since I am so lucky to have one. 

I do take a picture of the scene, not from too close. It somehow makes sense.

Suddenly a thought hits me. That is it. That it’s worth photographing. All these people that have to go on with their “normal” life, whether it is living on the streets,  cleaning, building site workers, trashmen. I am not by any means forgetting who’s in first line: doctors and nurses and researchers.

But we don’t often think about all the other people working for us everyday, those who do not have the financial safety to stay home.

I try to take a picture of a woman walking towards me, she is on the phone and she’s obviously avoiding me, I don’t want to piss her off. 

Then right after a group of workers crossing the square in line. This is the picture. But I don’t want to attract their attention. I take a quick shot. 

A man with a blanket walking down Rua Aurea.

An older man with a bag of food not looking too shiny.

I am back on the bike now, in Rua Aurea, no cars, only one bus drives past me. The streets are so silent, you can hear the birds singing (and the lights beeping). This thought has kept me motivated through these weeks: nature is still flourishing, nature is fine and we will flourish with her once more, maybe a little bit more self aware, maybe a bit kinder, maybe a bit more appreciative of the things we can enjoy.

When things go back to normal, I hope normal will be different.

Update: this post is telling the story of last Saturday. Today Sunday 12th April 2020, I made it to Marvila and have news regarding my project! Stay tuned on Facebook and Instagram

Sunday 12th of April 2020.
COVID19 Self-Isolation Day #30.
State of Emergency Day #24.