I Know This Much Is True
Trust and Abundance. The Path to Flow, Creativity and Joy.
— With 35mm Film Photos Shot in Berlin, 2015
This week my head swirled around in a vortex filled with — what seemed to me — very important words … each day a new one would come up and I could not decide on which to focus… or from which to begin.
I could not understand which concept was at the very centre … and ended up in a chicken and egg situation. Once again, writing everything down helped put things together and find some sense. So bear with me in this process and forgive me for another long post.
I know this much is true … it all starts with awareness, at least in my personal experience. Without awareness, as banal as it sounds, there is no self and none of the other things either. Without awareness we are shackled by the waves of our emotions and even more by the constant storms of our fears …
And awareness has something to do with connection as we learn to know ourselves, especially in relation to other human beings. Or better said, we get to know ourselves the most when we are challenged by people and situations. We discover our limitations and are pushed to find ways to overcome them in order to be true and authentic with ourselves and others.
But how do the other things fall into place?
Does focus come with flow or is it the other way around? Do discipline and structure get in the way of flow and creativity or are they, instead, useful tools? Can structure be used in place of awareness, or in the place of trust? What is the role of learning, knowledge and wisdom in all this? And how do we know whether our knowledge is solid enough to allow us to ride the waves of flow and intuition without falling victim to bias, societal pressure and emotion? What’s the difference between following your intuition and acting impulsively?
Lately, I have been reflecting a lot, setting myself to embrace spirituality and magic as a form of trust. Trust in the Universe, in humanity and ultimately in myself. Trust that things can go well, that the things I want will come to me, eventually, if I am clear about them and ready to recognise them as they come — even when they are not in the form I expect.
Although I would define myself as a rational person, I have also realised how easy it is for realism and rationality to turn into pure pessimism, for example, when we face our deepest fears or fall back into negative patterns. In those moments, it's much more useful to be wary of our “feelings” and even rational perceptions, believing that things will get better and will go well, or at least that they can go well, if we stay true to ourselves. Each day, I recognise the importance of believing in the abundance (of the Universe) and creating distance from this feeling of lack and scarcity, ingrained into our society, and — excuse the political burp — the capitalist model. But this might be a topic for another time...
Film photography is, in a way, about trusting the magic … the magic of capturing light—an intangible process that cannot be truly appreciated until the film is developed. So until then, I choose to trust. I imagine how the photos will come out. I replay in my mind the moment of shooting and try to visualise exactly how it will look.
The wait can be considered an act of faith as well as trust in my experience, and maybe even expertise.
Without doubt, experience, knowledge, and ability play an important role. They are the solid path along which our creativity runs. For any artist.
However, no matter how much experience and knowledge we have, there is no point of arrival and we never stop learning. And ultimately, what makes the difference between a “creative” and a “non creative” is that simple yet difficult leap of faith. Trust in the process, in oneself and, yes, also in the Universe and its abundance. The infinite creativity of the Universe.
A lack of trust is what leads us to overthink, and overthinking can become the swamp where our creativity rots and dies. Through trust we let go of our doubts and we listen.
But how to plan and decide, to learn and to push ourselves, without cutting the wings of our creativity, on one side? And without going in the opposite direction and merely acting impulsively on the other? So let’s say, without trust, instinct becomes impulsiveness, which can lead us to make decisions out of fear, while overthinking is a desire to create that remains unexpressed and inexperienced.
Intuition, if supported by trust and confidence, can be the magic door to flow...
And so we are able to let things flow on the solid path of our abilities and knowledge, with a little help from the Universe. In this scenario, focus becomes a tool to reach flow and make space for intuition, a magic space between overthinking and impulsiveness.
Intuition is the incredible product of a unique connection between what was (our memories) and what is (our perception) shaped by our experience and knowledge. Intuition is guided from our knowledge as much as our memories and imagination
In more complex terms — as I am reading Think Fast and Slow — system 1 (referred to as the subconscious mind by others), the part of the brain where we store our memories, that is responsible for automatic perception and reaction, sends information to system 2, the rational part of our brain that performs voluntary actions, learns and makes mathematical calculation or more complex prediction. In some cases, system 2 will take the information from system 1 without making any changes.
In art, the path between the subconscious mind and the action can be very direct. The subconscious mind becomes an ally and incredible source of inspiration. In my personal experience, as an inexperienced photographer, I believe that I can get the best results with some intermediary steps through the rooms of my rational brain. At least on some occasions.
Maybe someday the camera will be such an integral extension of my body that the technique will become part of my automatic thinking (system 1) and I will be totally free from rationality and planning, but right now … I know I still have a lot to learn and a bit of rationality and planning are required to bring me to the ideal goal.
The lack of awareness and trust has caused me a lot of setbacks … I've abandoned the camera many times in the past. I did not want to see my inexperience, I could not face others that would have maybe been able to enrich me and teach me something for fear of looking less and unable, for fear of discovering all the things I did not know.
Sounds crazy right?
In school I always had the best grades. I did not study much but I could easily remember the lessons, my notes and even visualize the text books … even search for the information I needed within the chapter photographed in my head. Surely I was disciplined enough to go to school and be present in class but things came easy enough.
And the truth is that having things so easy did not bring me further than others who had it harder, it brought me to fear the eventuality of losing that advantage. And so I blinded myself, denying myself the opportunity to learn.
When things got harder, in university, I was alright but not exceptional. I wasn’t trained for failure and I couldn’t learn from my mistakes. Mostly, I ignored them and pretended they did not happen or gave the fault to someone else. I could not take responsibility for them as I was afraid of losing my identity as the “smart one”.
On many occasions, when things got harder and I saw the possibility of failing, I quit. If I could not be the best then I could not face the pain of trying and failing.
And then? And then I accepted that— and I am still learning to do so — only by failing could I have moved forward. Only by trying and failing I could learn. And through trying, I am here.
When we open our eyes and raise our awareness to weaknesses, while still trusting ourselves to be able to overcome them, then we are free to find out the things we don’t know, the things that will make us richer.
So self awareness supported by trust and guided by focus (and commitment) — with a pinch of magic and help from the Universe — lead to flow and intuition which are, I believe, the very essence of creativity.
For an artist, trust is very important. Not so much a trust in whether what you do is good, but trust that you’re doing the only thing that is right for you to do. Believe that you have the power and the right – as any other human being – to create and grow, and to be joyful.
What comes after is another story, whether people like your work or not is not a part of the act of creating. And ultimately, I am convinced that, when we are authentic our art will speak to someone — and that is the only point in sharing our art.
Communication, connection …. Two more words for next time.
And so the word from where it all starts is then … Trust.
Notes
The photos in this post are part of the same film, the first I’ve shot in 2015 in Berlin after a long film photography silence.
Shot with my Canon AE2 (which had some problems) and a Il Ford HP5 Plus.
My thoughts and this article stem from and reference to:
Think Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (translated in English by Martin Hammond)
Ikigai by Hector Garcia & Francesc Miralles
The Artist Way by Julia Cameron
I know This Much is True, American TV miniseries based on the 1998 novel of the same name by Wally Lamb
These books have helped me greatly in finding sense and putting these thoughts together. Knowledge is the solid path on which our intuition and creativity runs free of bias and fear.