Le Chiacchiere Stanno a Zero – Order and Integrity Out Of Chaos

A Reflection on Photography Style and Self-Inflicted Limitations

Saturday 18th of April 2020. 
COVID19 Self-Isolation Day #36. 
State of Emergency Day #30.

In Italian we have this expression “le chiacchiere stanno a zero”, meaning there is no place or time for talking or discussing. It means it is time for action or to take responsibility for a problem, in other words, there is nothing that could be said that will change or solve a situation or issue.

Le chiacchiere stanno proprio a zero*.

I went out this morning at 6:30 am – which makes me, by the way, officially, a morning person. I set a real alarm this time, and got up 30 minutes later with a slight sense of dread, I think, caused by the beer I had the night before. A slight sense of … what the hell am I doing out here at this time of the morning? Am I out here enjoying the beautiful view, in these times? Is it fair?

This time, the plan doesn't involve a photo project, although I did have my camera with me. The plan is to go to the beach and have a dip in the water. Yes, I am aware the beaches are closed and fenced off. I wasn’t planning on lying on the sand sipping a mojito, I just wanted to bathe in the sea at dawn, hopefully not seen by anybody, maybe even naked, then come out (frozen) and go home. Call me crazy.

The problem is not that having a naked bath in the freezing cold ocean at 6 am in April is crazy. The “problem” – as it turns out – is my common sense and social responsibility. See, I am fine with breaking the rules … but these rules? I just can’t break. The thing is, it is not about me, it’s about all the people staying at home and making a sacrifice, it’s about those working and putting their lives at risk for everyone else to be safe, it’s about this thing ending sooner rather than later. It’s important, and it’s important to me. And I can’t bathe and just pretend it is not.

I am cycling toward Belem on Rua da Junqueira, a completely deserted Rua da Junqueira. The pedestrian bridge by the hospital is closed off, and so is all the river bank until the Estação Fluvial de Belem. I’ve been told the bridge – brand new bridge – by the Museu dos Coches is open and will take that to continue along the river towards Alges. I stop several times to take some pictures. The sun is just coming up but is still covered by a cloud that looks a bit like the calm surface of the ocean rippled by a light breeze. The light is beautiful and, obviously, nobody is around. 

I reflect on why I love taking photos without people so much … Two adjectives pop up in my head: clean and tidy. I know … it sounds terrible. I just like minimal pictures, I tell myself. But maybe it is more than that. Someone told me by looking at some of my pictures that I don’t put myself in the image, that all the things I photograph are distant and so it seems that I am.

Back then it made me think. 

I thought about all the projects I had in mind over the years and never brought to life, all those that involved people, that in fact put people in the very center. I thought about why they didn’t come to life in the end. The excuses are always different: to take photos of people I need to look self confident and experienced, I need to give them the feeling I know what I am doing, otherwise they won’t be relaxed. I’d need to do it in interiors and I don’t have the equipment for it. And again “this would be an independent project, why would someone give his availability to me, Francesca Faulin, without a structure or a clear plan, or being paid?”. Bla bla bla.

Le chiacchiere stanno a zero … and I do know the real answer: I am still getting to know myself creatively and I am not ready to build that bridge, I am not ready to involve people in the process. 

I will be. Hopefully soon.

I cycle past the Torre de Belem, I can’t resist a touristy shot … will I ever have another chance to see this place with no tourists at all? Maybe I will, and to be completely honest, this thought scares me a bit. I head towards the cycle lane in Alges. I considered having my dip by the beach in Alges, but the fences and some people jogging discourage me. I continue. The ocean is so beautiful, even at this point, where it is still a river but you can already feel its immensity and vastness and the sound … of the ocean. This must be the sound of Mother Earth breathing, steadily and deeply, inhaling and exhaling.

It’s a bit cold… I tell myself I will wait for the sun to come up and out of the clouds and cycle a bit further. I arrive by the Forte do Sao Bruno … never even dreamt of seeing this beach empty … and now it is... but there’s little reason for happiness. In fact, it is at this point that I truly admit to myself that, well, I just can’t bathe. All the entrances to the beaches are fenced off. A few people are jogging by. I follow on and think that maybe I can just dip my feet by Praia de Caxias which is hidden back from the road and the cycle lane. I am about to go down the stairs and then I see the fences and just stop. Right there. Standing.

That’s it. I feel tired and sad. I just want to go home and snuggle my nose in João’s fur (not a hairy man, just my black cat), hug David and forget about the fences, forget about all the deserted streets and maybe just have a bath, really naked, at home, in the tub. The excitement of last week has faded and I feel it is now time for an honest reality check. I haven’t changed my mind, I still think we’ll thrive again, but this is a time to be quiet, to stay home to be with ourselves. 

My mum says maybe they will go to Venice where we still own my grandma’s house. That there the lock down will be over by next week. I first thought it seemed early to just let people out, then I thought it was typical of my mum, to just go shine wherever is possible to have it easy, and then it hit me … how much I also wanted to go there but can’t, how much I miss it.

Cycling back by Alges, I see a couple playing with the dog by the beach, feet in the water ... well, they did not care about the fences. I just hope nobody else gets encouraged to act as them. My plan for the day might have failed but couldn't bring myself to be careless like them so I’m good with myself. 

As my friend Chloè suggested, to prepare for the return to the NEW normal, I am officially starting a list of all the things I am looking forward to when the lockdown is over 

#1 Have a bath naked in the ocean at dawn. 
#2 Going home, to Venice. 
#3 …..

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Note
All the pictures were taken with my iPhone 8. The roll I shot during this excursion will be online soon.
*A thought goes to my friend Anna, who I hope will appreciate the reference, again.